Monday, August 16, 2010


The tears began to flow, and flow very freely in the waiting room.

I have been doing a whole lot of waiting this summer.

-waiting for the weather to cool off
-waiting for dry days
-waiting for family members in various doctor's offices
-waiting for tests
-waiting for certificates
-waiting for grade reports
-waiting for life to get easier and happier
-waiting for school to start again

I am most happy to live, so no worries about me wishing to die, but tomorrow is another day one waits for. Especially when we are very small, we may have said, "I can't wait for my birthday". I no longer wait for or long for those birthdays. Now, it seems, I am waiting for heaven.

The tears followed days of expense, days of disappointment, days of waiting, and the day before my birthday. There in the waiting room, the receptionist called patient after patient by phone to remind them of their appointment tomorrow, August 17, which just happens to be my birthday, and right then and there, I missed my mama. As we begin another year of school, there was always a card in the mail for my birthday. I miss her cards and I miss her saying, "Sorry you have to go back to school. You work too hard. You have enough work to do at home."

As I missed my mama, it began to play:

I can only imagine what it will be like when I walk by Your side.
I can only imagine what my eyes will see when Your face is before me.
I can only imagine. I can only imagine.
Surrounded by Your glory, what will my heart feel?
Will I dance for you Jesus or in awe of You be still?
Will I stand in Your presence or to my knees will I fall?
Will I sing alleluia? Will I be able to speak at all?
I can only imagine. I can only imagine.

I had to go outside and get some air.
That song IS Mom.
I am missing her....and there she was. She came to say hello.

"Do you hear the bells?" 12 noon, on the way home from waiting today, the bells began to toll. We stayed in the "peach room" for a few days, comforting, caring for, and holding on for each "last". She always perked up when she heard the bells! "Do you hear the bells?" she would ask. Yes, Mom, I hear the bells....still.....Was that you too Mom, letting me know that you are hearing beautiful bells all the time now???
I know I have to go now, Mom. I know I have to get up and get after it. You told us, "life goes on". You were so right. I know you are enjoying all the things the song says, and way more than we can imagine, but I do still miss you.
My new plate....reminder to be grateful....
-grateful for His goodness
-grateful for His grace
-grateful for simple blessings
Thank you, God for the blessing of my mother, a mother who loved me without reservation, whether I deserved to be loved or not. Willingly and happily she fed me, clothed me, taught me, encouraged me, inspired me and loved me. She instilled Your love in me and the whole family. She was not afraid of work and she made our little bitty house a home. She knew what mattered and what didn't. She knew what to hold on to and what to let go. You gave her an endless supply of love and she gave it away freely, never seeming to run low. You gave her great patience. She was the best listener I have ever known. She had many trials, but most would never know it. She taught me to love the unlovable and to take one day at a time. She taught me to carry my own load in life, but was close by if I stumbled under the burden. She hurt when I hurt. She cried when I cried. She smiled when I smiled, and she shared in each of my successes. She taught me to pray and did not cease in praying on my behalf. She was one of Your greatest miracles God, and I want to thank you for lending my mother to me.

1 comment:

Sunshine Mama said...

Thanks for sharing about your mom.

We do do a lot of waiting. I'm waiting for November 2 for our newest baby boy.

We should remember to live while we wait.